


A Virgil Affliction

by elliegantgrace



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anger, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Frustration, Gen, Medication, anxiety medication, cyclical thinking, fight with friends, friendship breakup
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24238135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elliegantgrace/pseuds/elliegantgrace
Summary: When Virgil becomes overwhelmed with all of the changes in Thomas’ life, he struggles to cope. To try and help, the gang decide its in Thomas' best interest to take medication to help. How will Virgil handle the news and will it help them at all?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton & Thomas Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	1. What Are We Going To Do?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not everyone’s anxiety manifests itself in the same way. I have taken some liberties (as would be expected with a fanfic) in making choices how this specific story plays out. What is discussed here is by no means a judgement or predictions on anyone or anything.

“So they got the job? Good for them.”

Virgil sat on the stairs as he listened to the other Sides and stared intently at the floor. Thomas had called them all together to help him sort through the latest news: Joan was moving away. This wasn’t the first time he had called them out to help him sort through a friend moving, it seemed to Virgil like they were all moving away at an alarming rate. All of the Sides were present and in their standard location.

“Right,” Thomas responded hesitantly. “It’s great. But that’s the fourth of my friends to move away in like two months. And I know I should be happy for them, but…”

“Part of you is sad to see them leave,” Patton added somberly. “At least, I’m sad to see them leave.”

Thomas nodded as he sighed, “Exactly.”

Logan pushed his glasses up his nose, “Well, at least with the modern advances in technology and everything, it’s easier to keep in touch with people than it has ever been in history.”

“And imagine,” Roman added with a dazzling smile, “the road trips? The new adventures that await us as we go to visit our dear friends at their new homes.”

Virgil flipped the black hood from his sweatshirt up over his head, blocking out some of his peripheral vision. Sure, they could go visit them. But trips cost money and recently the rent had gone up. And what if the schedules didn’t line up? Or what if they all got too busy? What if they moved on?

Thomas smiled softly at Roman’s point, “True.”

What about the Sanders Sides videos?

All eyes fell on Anxiety, causing him to wince. He must have said that outloud. He sighed before playing with the strings on the hoodie and continued, “I just mean, everyone that helps us are getting new jobs with new responsibilities. And as the videos gain popularity, how are we going to keep up with the demand?”

“Well,” Logan started slowly, his brain clearly spinning through the possibilities with his well known logic, “Just because people are moving doesn’t mean they will stop helping Thomas work on these videos. Things like writing and editing can be done no matter where in the world they may be thanks to current technology.”

“But what if they don’t?”

“Then we’ll have to make more friends,” Patton added.

Logan nodded, “Or we’ll have to take on more responsibility ourselves. We’ve been doing this long enough we can help to pick up some of the slack if needed.”

“But we don’t have that kind of time,” Virgil muttered as he pulled the strings, closing himself in a little.

“We could,” Logan corrected. “Sure, we might not be able to do 20 minute videos anymore…”

“Excuse me!” Creativity interrupted with a sassy head movement, “I have lots of ideas for videos that demand that kind of time!”

Virgil pulled on the draw strings of the hoodie, closing himself in. The others didn’t seem to get it. They were in trouble. What were they going to do? They were barely making it through everything without another person moving on. So much going on and not enough time or resources. They had to get the content out. People were counting on Thomas. Letting them down wasn’t an option. They had to figure this out and now. They were in trouble. This had to be resolved. What were they going to do? What were they going to do? What-

“Virge!”

Virgil’s dark eyes shot up to meet Patton’s, breaking his concentration. Patton looked distressed, his eyes full of worry, which caused the Anxiety’s heart to drop. He knew those eyes. The eyes that begged for him to stop whatever he was doing and listen. The eyes that were trying to gently tell him that he was causing problems. What was he supposed to do? His fears were valid. What were they going to do?

“Virgil, in for 4,” called Logan,causing Virgil’s attention to snap across the room. Logan’s gaze was evaluative but solid. Virgil waited a moment before he decided to listen to Logic. He closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath.

In 1234

“Hold for 7,” Logan coached calmly.

Virgil counted, 123… crap, was it hold for 7? 8? How long had he been holding? Was it long enough? What if he was wrong?

“Out for 8.”

Wait, if it was out for 8, then it was hold for 7. Should he start over? Crap! What good was he if he couldn’t even count?

Virgil’s eyes flew open landing on Thomas, and his heart dropped. Thomas looked pale; pale enough to rival himself. He was wringing his hands together, his breathing rapid as his eyes darted around the room.

Shit. Virgil was making things worse. He was supposed to protect Thomas, not threaten him. He had to stop. He had to protect, but how do you protect from yourself? He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He was giving Thomas an anxiety attack and there was nothing he could do to stop. What were they going to do? Shit. Shit shit shit

“Virgil!” Patton screamed, trying to get his attention.

Virgil looked around, his mouth open as he tried to think of what to say, what to do. He could feel himself shaking, his hands balled into fists at his side. What were they going to do?

Roman stomped his foot, “Anxiety, stop it.”

“Shut up!” Virgil snapped darkly, his voice distorting. “Don’t you think I would stop it if I could! What am I supposed to do?”

“Virgil…” Thomas called, his voice barely a whisper.

It was the last straw. If he couldn’t help, he could at least take himself out of being such a strong influence. He sank, faster than he ever had thought he could, back into the Mind Palace.

Virgil ran to his room, slamming the door behind him. His heart rate was fast and he felt like he couldn’t catch his breath. The dark room swam before him, the shadows making the distortion worse as they flocked to him. He stumbled to the headphones he had left on his bed. He fumbled with them before he placed them on his head and hit play, causing music to blast loudly into his ears. Evanescence blared through, the volume still up dangerously high from the last time he used them. What were they going to do? It wasn’t enough to quiet his mind. He pressed the headphones further into his head. He fell into a ball on the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest. The shadows that occupied the space with him closed in around him, making the room feel much smaller than it actually was. 

What were they going to do? Not good enough. He wasn’t even able to do his job. He was supposed to be Thomas’ fight or flight, not his own. He had failed his one purpose. He had let Thomas down. What were they going to do? He panicked too much. Thomas had known the issues, so why couldn’t Anxiety just shut up. For crying out loud, he couldn’t even get through his own breathing exercise! WHAT WERE THEY GOING TO DO?

A hand touched Virgil, causing him to jump. He looked up and was met with Logan’s furrowed brow. The shadows in the room had backed off a little, allowing for Logan’s light to take up it’s space. Virgil pulled his headphones down, and scrambled away from Logic’s touch, “Dude, what is your problem!”

Logan leaned back, kneeling in front of the other Side, “I… You scared us back there.”

“You shouldn’t be in my room!” Virgil growled, the distortion still in his voice, just not as harsh.

Concern filled Logic’s voice as he adjusted his glasses, watching the swirling shadows sway as they patiently waited for his light to dim, “Someone needed to check on you.”

“And you were that someone?”

Logan sighed, “Patton was quite upset with the whole ordeal. Roman is currently distracting him and Thomas. So naturally, I was sent to find you.”

Virgil pulled his legs up to his chest, “You need to get out.” He could already see the anxiety creeping into Logan’s demeanor and the shadows start to entreat on their already limited space. One anxious Side was one thing, but if they lost Logic, and Creativity ran into a problem with being a distraction, it could be disastrous for Thomas. What were they going to do?

“Virgil…”

“GET OUT!” screamed Virgil as he turned away from the other Side, pulled his headphones up, and buried his head in his knees.

He couldn’t hear when Logan decided to listen and leave. The music was turned up too loud.

Everyone was leaving them. All of Thomas’ friends. Slowly, but still leaving. How was Virgil going to stay in check without his friends? When Thomas struggled with his anxious side, he would reach out to his friends to help him feel better. But how on earth was he going to get that support if no one was around to help Virgil understand when he was right to be concerned and when it was a little excessive. His friends were a great help to Roman and Logan when it came to helping give reasons and ways to quiet down Virgil. What were they going to do?

He wasn’t sure how long it had been before Virgil became aware of a presence just behind him at one point. He could just barely hear talking, something about wanting to help and not knowing how. Something about how they were there for him if he wanted to talk or help with a distraction.

Roman.

Virgil didn’t move to acknowledge him. They had done this song and dance before. If he ignored Roman long enough, the Prince would grow uncomfortable in his own growing worry and would leave.

And he was right.

Virgil sighed shakily. He was supposed to be better than this. He was letting Thomas down and his fellow Sides. He was supposed to support them and work with them. He needed to help keep them safe too. And here he was, hurting them too. Why couldn’t they get it that they were better off without him? Maybe they all would have been better off if they had squashed him down like they did with Deceit or the other so called “dark sides”. The three of them had been working together for so long, it’s not like they really needed Virgil to keep Thomas happy. What were they going to do?

A tap on his shoulder caused Anxiety to look up. Sitting crossed legged on the floor in front of him sat Patton, his eyes looking Virgil up and down. The shadows had backed down when Morality had come in, although they still lied in wait.

Virgil sighed and pulled his headphones around his neck, “Patton…”

A sad chuckle left the dad’s mouth, “Don’t even start with me, Kiddo.”

Virgil looked at Patton’s eyes. They were red, tears still rolling down his cheek. Virgil could feel himself getting choked up at Patton’s concern, “How… How’s he doing?”

Patton looked at the ground and started pulling on a piece of fuzz on the carpet, “Thomas? He’s alright. We sent him to take a shower and get some sleep.”

“Pat, you gotta know, I didn’t mean…I shouldn’t…” Virgil could feel the tears building up in his eyes.

“Shhh,” soothed Patton as he scooted himself around to the side of Virgil, sitting right next to him. “It’s okay Virge. We’re all okay.”

The tears started to fall, “I’m just so worried…”

“I know. It’s okay.”

“What are we going to do, Patton?” Anxiety asked shakily through the tears.

“We’ll get through this. Somehow.”

Virgil leaned into Patton, placing his head on Morality’s shoulder. They sat there as Virgil cried it out, Patton rubbing circles on his back.

Virgil didn’t know how long it had been before he hiccuped, signaling the end of the tears. He looked around and noticed that the shadows had returned to their normal placement on the outskirts of the room.

Patton chuckled, “Alright. How are you feeling?”

Virgil yawned, “I think I just need some sleep.”

“Sounds like a plan. We were talking about a movie night sleepover down in the common area. Are you feeling up for it?”

“Am I horrible if I say that I just want to sleep in my bed here?”

“Of course not,” Patton smiled as he stood up. “Just promise you’ll come get us if you need us?”

Virgil nodded, “Yeah. But I think I’m good for now.”

“Well, if that changes, let us know,” said Patton as he walked over to the door.

“Yeah, will do.”

“Goodnight, Kiddo.”

“Goodnight.”


	2. Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Not everyone’s anxiety manifests itself in the same way. What is discussed here is by no means a judgement or predictions on anyone or anything.

The shadows scattered as Virgil sat up from his ball on the floor of his room. He had tried to sleep. And he did sleep, eventually, for about an hour before it all woke him up. His joints were stiff from the ground and tossing and turning.

It had been a few days since they had found out about Joan leaving, and Tayln was set to go on an extended trip out of the country in a week. Virgil had been quite busy worrying over everything, and unfortunately Thomas was getting hammered with Virge’s constant concern. The lack of sleep was just the latest piece that was getting worse as the days went on.

Virgil pushed himself up and wandered over to the mirror where he was met with his own grim reflection staring blankly at him. His hair stuck up a little in the back from him constantly messing with his hoodie trying to get comfortable that night. He grabbed the hairbrush from the dresser and yanked it through his hair a few time until it fell across his face like usual.

He leaned closer to the mirror and examined the circles that were permanently etched under his eyes. He let out a sigh as he reached for the concealer, eyeshadow, and eyeliner before setting to work on hiding the lines. It was such a hassle sometimes to get it all to look right, but it was worth it if it kept the real questions at bay. He’d take “why do you do your makeup like that” line over the sickeningly sweet “why didn’t you ask for help”.

Satisfied that he was looking at least presentable enough to avoid questions from the others, Virgil went down to the kitchen. The other three Sides were already present; Patton sat at the dining room with a bowl of Lucky Charms in front of him, carefully spooning away the actual cereal and leaving the marshmallows behind (“Saving the best for last, Kiddo!”). Across from him Roman sat shoveling scrambled eggs into his mouth. Logan was to his right, the carcass from a grapefruit on his plate, a piece of toast with Crofters on it in his hand, and the newspaper spread across his lap.

Virgil shuffled into the kitchen and opened the pantry. His eyes scanned the contents as he realized he wasn’t all that hungry. Stress often filled his stomach more than food did, and it had recently been a sore subject for the team. Patton had lectured him that not eating would just make him feel worse. Logan agreed, pointing out that he needed sustenance and calories in order to survive (possibly… that whole “not real” thing and eating was still a mystery). Roman made all sorts of suggestions of foods that he thought might be appealing.

Anxiety reached for what Patton had dubbed the “breakfast compromise option”: Chocolate Chip Pop Tarts. While they had no real nutritional value, there were enough calories that the others left him alone. Virgil pulled out the silver package and shoved the box unceremoniously back into the cupboard. He then turned and found the coffee pot with his favorite black oversized mug on the counter. He poured a cup, emptying the pot.

“Hey,” he called out to the others, “If I make another pot of coffee, would anyone besides me drink it?”

Logan didn’t look from the paper as he addressed his dark friend, “Are you sure that coffee is a wise choice?”

Virgil looked quizzically at the coffee pot in his hands and then back up at the others, “Uh, yeah? Why not?”

“It’s just a lot of caffeine,” Patton explained with a smile.

“Well, considering we have a lot to do today since we have to get this video done before Tayln leaves, yeah,” sassed Virgil.

Roman stood up and walked over to Anxiety, “Of course, but caffeine isn’t exactly good for your anxiety level. You probably should lay off of it for a bit. Have we thought about trying herbal tea?”

Virgil frowned, “But you guys can have coffee. And I like coffee.”

“So what if we switch to decaf?” suggested Creativity.

Anxiety scrunched his nose in disgust, “Uh no. I can taste the difference.”

“We’re just worried about you,” Patton chimed in.

“And yelling at me about my coffee choice is supposed to help me how exactly?” Virgil asked as he set the coffee pot down a little harder than he had meant to. They were worried. Great. This was exactly what he was trying to avoid. They didn’t need this drama about him and the coffee. If he didn’t have the coffee, how did they expect him to stay awake to help get things done. He picked up the package of Pop Tarts and his mug of coffee, “If you need me I’ll be in my room.”

Roman stepped in front of him, “Virgil, wait.”

Virgil pushed past the prince without a word and sulked straight to his room, slamming the door behind him. The shadows smiled at Virgil’s return, causing him to roll his eyes. This was going to be a long day.

——

A while later there were three even knocks at the door. Virgil groaned, he had just about finished falling asleep for a nap when the knocking woke him up.

Logan.

“Yeah, Logan, what do you need?” Virgil called as he rolled over and sat up on the bed.

“I came to inquire if you were planning on joining us for lunch,” Logan said as he poked his head into the room.

Virgil groaned, “Dude, I barely just finished breakfast and now you want me to eat lunch?”

Logan entered the room completely, looking at the shadows as they moved at his presence. He adjusted his glasses, “It is noon and therefore it is time to eat.”

“But I don’t want to eat.”

Logan sighed, “Virgil, please just come eat something with us.”

“Because breakfast went so well,” Virgil muttered as he crossed his arms defiantly.

“It’s important that you keep to a schedule,” Logan explained softly as he observed his fellow Side. “There are numerous studies that show that keeping a predictable schedule and routine is vital to those struggling with anxiety. There’s enough unpredictable factors in our environment currently, given Thomas’s predicament with his friends and support not being as readily available as we are accustomed, without you deciding to cut out meals.”

“Dude, I know how to handle myself,” responded Virgil as he flopped back on the bed.

“You appear to need assistance in recalling what you have previously learned, since you are choosing ignoring it.”

“You just called me dumb.”

“Falsehood,” Logan shot back, his frustration starting to come through. He generally did well with handling Virgil, but Virgil had always been good at twisting Logan’s words, which was frustrating. Everyone knew this and Virgil would do it just to get on Logan’s nerves when he felt especially defiant.

Logic took a deep breath and adjusted his tie. “I did not call you dumb. I simply am saying you should allow for us to help you. We can all feel you struggling with everything right now. Why are you shutting us out?”

Virgil took a deep breath and shook his head, “You don’t understand.”

“Then help me to understand.”

Virgil could feel tears start to fill his eyes, causing the shadows in the room to start flocking to him. He threw his arm over his eyes, “Not now Logan. I just want to sleep”

“Alright…” responded Logan hesitantly. “If we have time we were going to watch a movie in a bit. Please consider joining us? I do not believe that you staying by yourself for very long is in your best interest.”

Virgil waited until he heard the door click shut before he took a deep breath, the hot tears starting to fall. Why did the others have to worry so much? They should spend their time more focused on Thomas and not on him. He was taking away valuable time and resources from the others.

He pulled his hood up and curled up into a small ball on the bed, his body shaking with each silent sob. The dark shapes flocked to him, surrounding him in complete darkness.

Virgil tried to calm himself through the tears: In1234hold1234567out12345678. Too fast. He closed his eyes tight and tried again: In 1234 hold 1234567 out 12345678.

Before he knew it, Virgil fell asleep.

—

Virgil awoke with a start, the lingering panic from the nightmare still present. He took a deep breath and looked at the clock: 9am. Great. He had slept through a whole day. That was a waste of time. He would need to catch up on his work. That was perfect.

He scrambled down to the kitchen, hoping that the other sides were already moving on with their day. There was even less time before Tayln left now, they would all have to rush to get back on Logan’s schedule. Did Thomas know they were behind schedule?

Virgil reached the kitchen to find the other three sitting at the table.

“Oh good,” Roman exclaimed when he caught sight of Virgil. “You’re up! We can get moving. Now where did I put that idea journal? I need to see if Mr. Doom and Gloom agrees with using the idea I have for the video!”

Virgil’s brow wrinkled, “Uh, weren’t you supposed to help Thomas finish the script yesterday?”

Logan pushed up his glasses, “Thomas struggled with sticking to the schedule yesterday.”

“What? Why?” Fear started to fill Virgil again. They were behind. There was no time and they were already behind! Why didn’t Logan push them harder to keep up?

The other three shared a nervous glance before Roman spoke, “He just needed a break.”

“But we don’t have time for him to take a break,” Virgil argued, feeling his chest getting tight. “Do we?”

All eyes fell on Logan who shifted uncomfortably in his chair, “We… had to make allowances given certain circumstances.”

Virgil rolled his eyes and ducked to the kitchen with a small growl of frustration. They were clearly keeping something from him. Fine. He’d find out about it eventually.

He grabbed the last of the Pop Tarts, shoving them in the pocket of his hoodie, and went to grab a mug before he looked around to realize there was no coffee pot. He rolled his eyes and opened the cupboards, looking for the coffee. It wasn’t where it was supposed to be. Great.

Virgil proceeded to rummage to find the coffee pot. It had to be around here somewhere. He needed the bitterness and caffeine. He needed to be working at his top performance today if they were going to catch up.

The argument from the previous day came back to Virgil: right, the others had wanted him to lay off the coffee. They must have hidden it from him.

“Haha, very funny guys,” Virgil called, sarcasm dripping from his voice as he stuck his head out to look at the others. “Where’s the coffee pot?”

The trio had moved into the living room and were all staring at each other, worried expressions plastered on each of the their faces. Virgil groaned and stormed into his space by the stairs, “Seriously, guys.”

Patton took a deep breath and closed his eyes, “We threw it away.”

“What?” Shock flooded Virgil’s system.

“I threw it away,” Roman stated, staring down his fellow side. “It wasn’t worth the arguing. It had to be done.”

“But I need that coffee,” Virgil argued, distortion starting to slip into his voice.

“Falsehood: you do not technically require the coffee,” Logan corrected out of habit.

“No, I need it,” Virgil said through his teeth, trying to keep the distortion out of his voice. “You don’t understand.”

“Then help us to understand,” Roman said, echoing Logan from the previous day, offering his hand towards Virgil.

“We’re behind schedule,” Virgil growled as he tried felt the air escape him. “Thomas has a ton of things we need to get done before Tayln leaves for vacation and Joan…” His voice caught.

“Joan moves,” Logan supplied in a soft voice.

Virgil couldn’t breathe. It was as if all of the oxygen in the room had been sucked out of the room. The world swam a little before him now that the fear was named. Thomas was losing his best friend and the others were moving on too.

“Virgil: breathe!” Patton’s voice called, seeming so far away.

Anxiety took a deep breath and choked a little as a scent he was not prepared for came at him. It helped make breathing easier, a helpful reminder in the back of his mind. It was pleasant if Virgil was honest with himself, but right now it was just something new to deal with.

“What is that smell?” Virgil finally mustered out of his mouth, distortion still reverberating.

Patton smiled a little, “It’s lavender. I thought it might help some. Logan found that it can help calm people.”

“I don’t need to be calm,” Virgil shouted in frustration. “I just need us to get moving. We have so much to do.”

Patton jumped back a little, sadness filling his voice at the outburst, “We just want to help you.”

“Then get your stuff in gear so we can get things done!”

“Hey,” interrupted Roman forcefully, standing up a little taller, “There’s no need to yell at Patton.”

“Oh shut up Princey and finish the damn script!” shouted Virgil, full distortion in effect.

Logan opened his mouth, but before he could say anything Anxiety’s attention snapped to him, “Don’t you have a schedule to rework?”

Suddenly Virgil felt the familiar tug at his core: Thomas was calling him. Fine. If the others wouldn’t listen to him maybe he could get Thomas to start moving on everything. He allowed himself to be summoned, landing in Thomas’ living room on the familiar stairs.

“What?” he growled.

“Virgil…” Thomas’ voice came from across the room. Virgil’s head came up to look at Thomas and his stomach dropped. Thomas stood in his usual spot, wearing his own gray hoodie, hands in the pockets, and hood up. He had dark circles under his eyes and the end of his nose was red.

“Please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Duh duh duh! Ugh, Virgil is so mad this chapter, but I promise there’s good reason for it. We’re getting there. Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoy writing for the SS fandom? I haven’t written this much in ages. Feels great! Let me know what ya’ll think?


	3. Fight or Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Not everyone’s anxiety manifests itself in the same way. What is discussed here is by no means a judgement or predictions on anyone or anything.

“Please.”

Virgil blinked, flabbergasted at the scene in front of him. To put it lightly, Thomas looked horrible. In many ways, it was like looking into a mirror: dark circles under the eyes, hair covering part of his face, hood pulled up, hunched over and deflated. He had seen Thomas like this before, but it was super rare.

“Uh, Thomas, not to be rude, but you look like… me.”

Normally that would have earned at least a smile from the internet sensation. But today it was met with a silent stare.

Anxiety started to kick in, “I… uh… Thomas? You ok?”

Thomas ran a hand over his face, “Yeah, um, I’m just really on edge right now. It’s just that we have this video we need to get done, like, yesterday and I don’t even have a script and I have a bunch of things I need to do with Joan before they leave. And I’m not sleeping or eating or really doing anythig…” Thomas scratched the back of his head, “I just wanted to make sure that we’re okay?”

“What do you mean?” asked Virgil after a pause.

“I mean that you seem to be really active recently and I know we talked about me needing to listen to you a little more. I just want to make sure that you feel listened to and valid.” Thomas put his hands in the pocket of the sweatshirt.

Virgil sat down on the stair, “I think that we’re fine on the listening to thing or whatever.” He shook his head, “Look, this shouldn’t be the focus right now. You have more on your plate right now than worrying about me. Why don’t we call the others in and see if we can get moving so that we both feel better?”

Thomas nodded and sighed, “Right. Guys?”

Patton rose up, slower and lacking his usual enthusiasm, “What’s going on, Kiddo?”

Logan rose up next, a glare on his face as he did so. Sticky notes were stuck all over his body in various colors and scribbled with different notes. His hair stuck up slightly, most likely due to him running his hand through it a few too many times.

Roman was the last to arrive, a journal clutched tightly in his arms close to his chest. A pencil was stuck behind his ear, clearly forgotten. He stared at the ground, a little deflated. Neither he nor Logan said a word.

Virgil looked at the three and waited, his agitation growing. Why were the three of them just standing here? Didn’t they get it? There was so much to do and so little time to do it all! Deadlines weren’t going to move just because they decided to sit there and stare at one another. He finally spoke, his tone admittedly harsh, “Well? We have a video to do. Where are we with everything?”

The other three Sides shared a glance at one another that Virgil couldn’t read. Logan took a deep breath, adjusted his glasses, and said “Well, I was in the middle of reworking our schedule in light of recent events. Of course, the day of little… productivity was a detriment to my original plans. However, with a couple of slight adjustments, we should be able to catch back up today.”

“What kind of adjustments?” Virgil asked, his eyes narrowing.

Logan pulled a sticky note from his shirt and read it, “If we eliminate Thomas’ pun at the start of the video before the title sequence, it removes one of the components we have to create.”

“No,” whined Patton. “That’s my favorite part.”

“And it’s part of the brand, right?” Virgil asked, looking to Thomas for verification. Thomas’ eyes were wide, staring at the ground. It took a second before Thomas nodded in agreement.

Logan sighed, blowing a small piece of his hair out of his face, “Fine then. We can… um…” Logan looked down at the sticky notes, grabbing another one. “We could consider doing another Q and A. That format would cut out some of the writing time since Thomas’ followers would get to write the questions.”

“That would lessen some of the… uh, stress, on Thomas,” agreed Roman, still looking at the ground. Thomas opened his mouth before shutting it quickly, apparently changing his mind over something.

“But we already did one of those,” Virgil snaped. “People don’t want to see what we’ve already done. We have to do something new. We have to do something we have never done before.”

Logan finally turned to look at Virgil, his eyes full of fire and his voice calculated, “Falsehood. Some of Thomas’ most popular videos are of him and his friends repeating the same premise with slight variations. Take the Real or Fake anime series, for example: while the concept is the same no matter the video, the specific questions or people involved are diverse. A Q and A would be no different.”

Virgil stared back for a moment before dismissing him, “That doesn’t matter right now. Do we have a new schedule or not? Yes or no?”

Taking a calming breath, Logan answered through his teeth, “No.”

“Well go get to work and stop wasting time!”

Logan gaped for a moment before he adjusted his tie, “Thomas called me here. I came to see how I can be of assistance, not to get verbally attacked for things outside of my direct control. I have not mastered the art of bi-locationVirgil. I’m doing the best I can.”

“And that’s all anyone can ask,” interrupted Patton, his hands out trying to calm the two feuding friends.

Roman sighed.

“What ideas do you have Mr. Creativity?” snarled Virgil, his attention shifting to the Prince.

Roman jumped back a little, “Well, I…”

“Oh great, don’t tell me you don’t have any good ideas.”

“Now Virgil,” Patton chastised. “Let him talk.”

“I don’t have anything very good right now,” Roman started. “I mean, I have ideas. But Thomas needs the best right now, and I don’t have anything that will live up to my standards.”

“What were you doing yesterday then?” accused Virgil.

“I was… a little busy,” Roman scoffed, starting to get defensive.

“With what? Running through dream land?”

“Not all of us got to take a nap all day long, thank you very much. I had bigger issues with what Thomas was doing,” Roman said before he covered his mouth, eyes wide.

Virgil was taken aback from the turn Roman took. He shook his head, the idea reverberating inside: He had been asleep for almost an entire day.

And more importantly, something had happened.

His eyes shot up to look at Thomas, who had remained silent the entire time. Thomas almost never looked this worn out and defeated. Something bad had happened while Virgil was asleep. That would also explain why the others were so far behind schedule and so flustered. It made sense. Something bad had happened.

“What happened yesterday?” asked Virgil slowly.

The three Sides looked at the ground.

“We don’t want to worry you,” Patton stated in a quiet voice.

“Well not telling me is making me more worried than telling me,” pouted Virgil as he folded his arms across his chest.

“Are you sure about that?” Roman asked.

Virgil just stared at the others expectantly until Thomas said, “I maybe got in a fight with Joan yesterday.”

Virgil’s mouth dropped, “What?”

“An argument would be a more accurate description,” Logan corrected.

“What?! Why?”

Roman sighed, “Thomas was working with them on the content for the next video. The three of us, and Thomas, thought that another video on getting used to changes would be a good idea in light of the current situation.”

“One thing lead to another and Joan started to feel like I was attacking them for moving,” Thomas added.

“He thought we weren’t happy enough for them for the opportunity that had presented itself,” Patton chimed in. “And Thomas tried to explain, but it just got worse.”

A lump formed in Virgil’s throat. This wasn’t good. A thought krept up in his mind and slipped out before he could think about it.

“But we’re still friends with them, right?” he asked, his voice shaking.

“Virge,” started Thomas slowly, “I… I honestly don’t know. We both said some pretty hurtful things.”

Anxiety started to shake, his eyes filling with tears, “What did you say?”

Thomas dropped his gaze, no longer wanting to face his insecurity in Virgil’s eyes. No one said anything. The panic came in waves over Virgil. If only he had been awake.

“What did you say?” Virgil shouted, his voice cracking a little at the repeat of the question, fists clenched at his side

“He said, ‘People come and go, but I never thought you’d be one of them’,” Logan answered, always the voice of truth.

Something bad had happened. Virgil had been asleep and therefore wasn’t there to stop Thomas from saying something dumb. He had let him down. He had let them all down.

The world seemed to spin, causing him to reach out to the banister to ground himself. He couldn’t do this here. Air left his lungs, a tight and constricting feeling across his chest spreading.

Something bad had happened. He had let them down. He was supposed to stop them from having issues and instead he had been asleep.

“Virgil,” Thomas’ voice came through to him. “Buddy, you’re okay. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Virgil shot back at Thomas. “Joan was just moving away. Now you’re telling me we lost them sooner because I wasn’t there to prevent you from saying something dumb?”

“Virgil…”

The walls felt like they were closing in. His eyes darted around, trying to figure out what to do.

“Virgil!”

Anxiety looked at Logic, tears starting to fall against his best wishes. “Fight or flight?” Logan asked. Their eyes met and Logan gave a small nod, “You can go. It’s okay.”

Virgil nodded in appreciation and sank out without another word.

As soon as he was back in the mindscape, Virgil collapsed in a heap on the floor. Sobs spilled out of him so hard that he wasn’t sure he would ever catch his breath. How could he let this happen? He never wanted them to push Joan away like that. He would have stopped Thomas before he said something so senseless.

Stupid Virgil. Always making mistakes that caused harm to his friends. Maybe he really was better when he wasn’t part of the “gang”.

Virgil suddenly became aware of a pair of arms around him, pulling him into their lap. He didn’t fight them, seeking comfort in whatever way possible. He leaned his head into the person’s chest. He didn’t even care who it was right now. It could be one of those sides that were kept in the shadows and he wouldn’t have cared.

“Shhhh,” the person cooed. Roman. “I’ve got you.”

Virgil could feel Roman’s shirt soaking in all of his tears and tried to stop.

“Let it out,” encouraged Roman. “Logan says it isn’t healthy to keep these things in.”

Why Roman was the one to come to check on and comfort him, Virgil couldn’t understand. It didn’t matter. Right now he just wanted it all to stop. All of the pain and panic from what had happened because of him was washing through Anxiety. He just wanted it all to stop. Whatever it took to make. the. panic. stop. 

“It’s okay,” whispered Roman softly into Virgil’s hair. “It’ll be over soon. Just keep breathing.”

Virgil took a deep breath, finally, air flooding his system. He shook at the intake, relief finally in some small capacity. If only he could get another breath in.

“You know,” Roman said. “We haven’t watched a musical in a while. The last time was Sweeney Todd, what, three months ago?”

“Phantom,” Virgil muttered, surprising himself that he was able to say anything again.

“Oh right,” Roman said with a small laugh. “That was a couple of weeks ago. I forgot that you came down for that. It’s a good musical, quite the classic, although not my favorite.”

“Mine either.”

“Into the Woods is more my taste right now, but don’t ask me if I like the one with Bernadette Peters or 2014. Because on the one hand, no one can compare to Peters, but on the other Chris Pine running around in tight pants can’t be overlooked.”

“Dear Evan Hansen.”

“Hm?” Roman asked.

Virgil pulled away from Roman slightly, “I like Dear Evan Hansen.”

Roman smiled, “Really? Mr. Doom-and-gloom doesn’t have a favorite like Little Shop?”

Anxiety rolled his eyes, but a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. His breathing had settled, his body relaxing slowly.

Roman laughed, “I mean, Dear Evan Hansen is really good. You don’t win Tonys for just being okay.”

“Depends on the year.”

Roman nodded, “That is true…Feeling better?”

Virgil nodded and sat back away from the Prince, wiping the tears away with his sleeve, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been that upset.”

“Nonsense,” responded Roman with a kind smile. “We all are taking things pretty hard right now. It’s been a tough time.”

Virgil sighed, “Yeah, but I think I’m making it all worse. I either am running full speed ahead or not at all, and clearly that is impacting Thomas in ways I hadn’t noticed.”

“Well,” Roman said as he stood up, brushing himself off from the floor. “Just remember we’re all on the same side here.”

“Heh. Side.”

Roman rolled his eyes, as he offered Virgil a hand up, “You know what I mean. All of us want to help. We aren’t your enemy, Virge. Although, if you do need something to fight to blow off steam or whatever, I know a certain Dragon Witch that I can conjure up for you.”

Virgil nodded and took the hand, allowing Roman to pull him into a hug, “You’re right.”

“So what do you want to do now?” Roman asked as Virgil pulled back. “Do you need a nap?”

Sleep. As tempting as it was, sleep was the last thing Virgil wanted right now. After the events that happened the previous day when he had been asleep, Anxiety wasn’t sure when he’d sleep again. Virgil shook his head, “No, I think I want to talk to Thomas if that’s okay. I think I need to talk to him, just us.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Roman agreed. “Movie night tonight?”

“Sure. I’m going to go splash some water on my face and then head out,” Virgil said as he stood up and turned to go up the stairs. “Oh, and Roman?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“Any time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo hoo for chapter 3! This was such a challenge because I adore Joan and Thomas’ friendship and had to really wrestle with how that breakdown would happen. Next chapter we have to deal with what Thomas said and how Virgil has been acting! Hooray! 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr @creativenostalgiastuff

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note (continued): Thanks for reading! Please understand, once again, that everyone’s anxiety is different. Real talk: Part of what has drawn me to this specific story is that I am projecting my own anxiety onto Virgil/Thomas as a way to help me sift through my own journey. I am thrilled to hear feedback, but please be respectful of all people and their own struggles. If you find yourself struggling with your own anxiety, please reach out to family/friends/health care provider. National Alliance on Mental Health: 1-800-950-6264
> 
> Thanks ya’ll!


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